THE PERENNIAL JOURNEY
The way forward is down: the path of descent, of failure, of the cross. Everything hinges on it. In it and it alone is life. In it and it alone can the prodigal return home. Strange that the path of salvation should be epitomized by failure, that I should embrace a diminished life, actively cut off from contributing much of anything to those I hold most dear. This is the foolishness of Christ-following, the counterintuitive instruction to surrender everything - even what is good, even my very own life.
Although it is difficult to accept this inverted ascent when manifested in real-world experiences and layers upon layers of loss, suffering, and disappointment, I finally understand why it must be so. The Garden legend illustrates it beautifully: a woman, presented with the choice, elects to pursue something admirable, but with independent intent and an effort riven of God's providence. This is humanity's one transgression: ceaselessly striving to be and to succeed on our own. All sin is reducible to this.
Casting sin in this light illuminates the insidious nature of our situation. Not only are the obvious vices sinful, but also virtue attained by means of our own enterprise, determination, or willfulness. This truth illustrates the profound wisdom embodied by the cross and the necessary descent required to find reconciliation with God. So long as I independently strive to be more loving, less angry, or more responsible, I will fail. So long as I seek improvement, to better or "actualize" myself on my terms, I will decline. Our demons use our strengths to make us weak, appealing to our pride and abilities to keep us striving on our own, apart from God.
The way of the cross is not like this. It is a path of surrender, defeat, bondage, and death. It requires I cease my endless striving to be more, and accept I must become less. I must embrace my brokenness and discover that salvation is born of weakness and frailty. It is a state where one completely lets go and utterly refuses to do anything on their own. It is only when I succumb to God's love and experience it in the stillness of letting go that I die to myself. Only then does transformation occur. Only then can real life begin.